Let me assure you, little Sister, that I have been through this agonizing situation myself in my twenties and later with my own daughter when she found herself in this terrifying situation in college. How I wish I could tell you that we both found the courage to save the lives of our unplanned children.
Sometimes all we can do to help another is to share our own mistakes and misunderstandings so that another does not fall into the same trap. I've had more than 25 years to ponder my own abortion decision; and I'd like you to have the benefit of my calm and deliberate review:
First and foremost, I made this life-altering decision EMOTIONALLY. But I only really allowed one emotion to prevail in the decision-making process: F E A R
There's just no way to make a good, long-term decision out of fear.Fear itself will drive you to act selfishly and immediately; and this will automatically pit you AGAINST your own unborn child. You will be set up to view your unborn child as something literally life-threatening; and we are hard-wired for survival, in the wisdom of God, to eliminate or run from life-threatening situations. You will be ever-so-easily convinced that having this child will lead to everything from absolute financial ruin to sealing your fate as an old maid that no man will want to marry.
So it is imperative to find a way to examine this decision more rationally. The easiest way to do this is to seek out one or more women in whom you can confide comfortably. You will probably put more faith in the advice of an older woman who has already been through the situation than you will with someone who can only be sympathetic. There are excellent non-profit organizations in even small communities who can recommend someone to you. It will be very tempting to hide and to isolate, especially if you feel ashamed or guilty. Take your shame and guilt to a trusted Christian Sister and directly to your Heavenly Father, who is always ready to forgive.
Both my daughter and I felt intensely pressured to make a decision about our unborn babies in the first few weeks of our pregnancy. I beg you to avoid this emotional trap. When you are faced with any life-changing decision, it is always wiser in the long run to take the time to gather and process as much information as you can and (because you are a Christian) to pray until you know you have a clear answer from God.
I was completely duped (because I was very naive) by indifferent medical professionals who described the early formation of a human being in cold, sterile language that influenced me to think that I was simply discarding something as insignificant as a "mass of tissue" (like having cyst removed). Get an ultra sound right away and ask as many questions as you need to to fully understand what a newly forming baby feels as well as what features they have. Getting on the Internet is also a good way to take in information rationally rather than emotionally.
It's critical to channel your energy into education. Learn as much as you can -- just as you would with ANY medical procedure -- about the medical procedures and risks to terminate pregnancy and to bring your pregnancy to full term and delivery. Learn as much as you can about the week by week development of your unborn child. Gather information about your options for raising an infant/child after delivery, including supported motherhood, kin (family) fostering, and adoption.
Finally, my dear young Sister, I encourage you to pray about your motives. Had I realized that most of my own decision was made out of pride and an almost automatic sense of entitlement, I would never have made a decision to seek an abortion. The popular attitude that a woman has the "right" to end the life of another simply out of convenience for her own is the same heart attitude that contributes to child abuse, battered women's syndrome, and murder. I know that's a harsh statement; but is there any other way to see it? In the end, you make a conscious, willful choice to end the life of another human being. What circumstances, if any, make that moral and right in God's eyes?
I know this viewpoint is unpopular; and plenty will tell you it is "intolerant". Some will probably feel that this is much too harsh for you to hear at this time; but if you make a decision before you resolve this question, it will haunt you and your relationship with God for the rest of your life.
Before I leave you with much prayer on my heart, dear Sister, I want you to know that I faced this same decision again 20 years later. By the Amazing Grace of God, I was allowed another opportunity to make a better choice; and even though I suffered through the fear and everything I've described above, I made a decision I've never regretted since. And I have a precious, wonderful teenage son to brag about today.
God's best wisdom be yours today, precious Sister; and may you always know that You are forgiven and loved by your eternal Father and His precious Son, who created YOU just for Himself.
Sometimes all we can do to help another is to share our own mistakes and misunderstandings so that another does not fall into the same trap. I've had more than 25 years to ponder my own abortion decision; and I'd like you to have the benefit of my calm and deliberate review:
First and foremost, I made this life-altering decision EMOTIONALLY. But I only really allowed one emotion to prevail in the decision-making process: F E A R
There's just no way to make a good, long-term decision out of fear.Fear itself will drive you to act selfishly and immediately; and this will automatically pit you AGAINST your own unborn child. You will be set up to view your unborn child as something literally life-threatening; and we are hard-wired for survival, in the wisdom of God, to eliminate or run from life-threatening situations. You will be ever-so-easily convinced that having this child will lead to everything from absolute financial ruin to sealing your fate as an old maid that no man will want to marry.
So it is imperative to find a way to examine this decision more rationally. The easiest way to do this is to seek out one or more women in whom you can confide comfortably. You will probably put more faith in the advice of an older woman who has already been through the situation than you will with someone who can only be sympathetic. There are excellent non-profit organizations in even small communities who can recommend someone to you. It will be very tempting to hide and to isolate, especially if you feel ashamed or guilty. Take your shame and guilt to a trusted Christian Sister and directly to your Heavenly Father, who is always ready to forgive.
Both my daughter and I felt intensely pressured to make a decision about our unborn babies in the first few weeks of our pregnancy. I beg you to avoid this emotional trap. When you are faced with any life-changing decision, it is always wiser in the long run to take the time to gather and process as much information as you can and (because you are a Christian) to pray until you know you have a clear answer from God.
I was completely duped (because I was very naive) by indifferent medical professionals who described the early formation of a human being in cold, sterile language that influenced me to think that I was simply discarding something as insignificant as a "mass of tissue" (like having cyst removed). Get an ultra sound right away and ask as many questions as you need to to fully understand what a newly forming baby feels as well as what features they have. Getting on the Internet is also a good way to take in information rationally rather than emotionally.
It's critical to channel your energy into education. Learn as much as you can -- just as you would with ANY medical procedure -- about the medical procedures and risks to terminate pregnancy and to bring your pregnancy to full term and delivery. Learn as much as you can about the week by week development of your unborn child. Gather information about your options for raising an infant/child after delivery, including supported motherhood, kin (family) fostering, and adoption.
Finally, my dear young Sister, I encourage you to pray about your motives. Had I realized that most of my own decision was made out of pride and an almost automatic sense of entitlement, I would never have made a decision to seek an abortion. The popular attitude that a woman has the "right" to end the life of another simply out of convenience for her own is the same heart attitude that contributes to child abuse, battered women's syndrome, and murder. I know that's a harsh statement; but is there any other way to see it? In the end, you make a conscious, willful choice to end the life of another human being. What circumstances, if any, make that moral and right in God's eyes?
I know this viewpoint is unpopular; and plenty will tell you it is "intolerant". Some will probably feel that this is much too harsh for you to hear at this time; but if you make a decision before you resolve this question, it will haunt you and your relationship with God for the rest of your life.
Before I leave you with much prayer on my heart, dear Sister, I want you to know that I faced this same decision again 20 years later. By the Amazing Grace of God, I was allowed another opportunity to make a better choice; and even though I suffered through the fear and everything I've described above, I made a decision I've never regretted since. And I have a precious, wonderful teenage son to brag about today.
God's best wisdom be yours today, precious Sister; and may you always know that You are forgiven and loved by your eternal Father and His precious Son, who created YOU just for Himself.
