Well, dear fans, here's what I've learned, both hopeful and discouraging, from my experience with parental passing . . .
One of the main things that comes between siblings and causes "dysfunction" is a total failing of one party or both to understand that each child in a family, no matter how close in age, has their own unique relationship with each of their parents.
In many ways, my brothers and I grew up in "different families"; and some of my brothers who had a much more positive experience have a curious and contentious need for me to disown my own strained relationship as though it was not "real". I'm thinking this might ring true for some of you. The strain can lead to guilt, and denial, and other unnecessary feelings as others pressure you to go back and "rewrite" your personal history so that it matches up to the Norman Rockwell experiences of others.
The sad truth is, my Dad, who was passionate about his work and career, turned out to be a wonderful and memorable mentor for hundreds of other kids and young adults throughout the state of Colorado. One of them, who went on to be a nationally acclaimed public speaker, gave the eulogy at my Dad's funeral; and later at the reception he was quick to admit to me that we -- his real kids -- must have sacrificed a lot in order for my father to have been that involved with others. I am grateful for this man's perceptive realization; and I assured him that this was truer than he will ever know.
Being the only girl in this family of Future Farmers of America, I shared my Dad more than the rest. Two of my brothers were actively involved in his program in high school; and all of them were actively involved in his hands-on, project-oriented parenting program, which generally involved power tools, paint brushes and push brooms. And even though I yearned and aspired to be the "fifth brother", I was generally left on the outside looking in.
My Dad (and Mom) just didn't seem to know what to do with this spirited female misfit; and to make matters worse, I was apparently quite a bit like him . . . Stubborn. Opinionated. Self righteous. Passionate. My Dad, fortunately, was able to use most of these qualities in ways that others found helpful, motivating, and character building. Unfortunately for my Dad and me, these same qualities often just created conflict at the end of a very long day and even longer work week. Thankfully, by the Gentle Power and Correction of the Holy Spirit and by the Merciful Love and Grace of my Heavenly Father, these qualities are slowly but surely being removed and remolded for me into something more useful for ministry. . .
Had my Dad been able to balance his stronger personality traits with humility, gentleness, patience, praise, and affection, he would have had a much different relationship with his only daughter. I'm sure he sees that now; and I'm totally comforted with the knowledge that whatever was not perfect in my father on earth has now been made perfect in his new eternal home with the Savior we both love. In heaven, I will know forever the Dad I always wanted here.
If it's true, Dad, that the Saints in heaven watch over us and pray for those they loved on earth; I hope you can spare a prayer for me today God knows that prayer was the only thing that saw me through . . .
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the dozens of little miracles you wove together during the week of my father's passing and for the sustaining witness those miracles will be in the weeks to come.
One of the main things that comes between siblings and causes "dysfunction" is a total failing of one party or both to understand that each child in a family, no matter how close in age, has their own unique relationship with each of their parents.
In many ways, my brothers and I grew up in "different families"; and some of my brothers who had a much more positive experience have a curious and contentious need for me to disown my own strained relationship as though it was not "real". I'm thinking this might ring true for some of you. The strain can lead to guilt, and denial, and other unnecessary feelings as others pressure you to go back and "rewrite" your personal history so that it matches up to the Norman Rockwell experiences of others.
The sad truth is, my Dad, who was passionate about his work and career, turned out to be a wonderful and memorable mentor for hundreds of other kids and young adults throughout the state of Colorado. One of them, who went on to be a nationally acclaimed public speaker, gave the eulogy at my Dad's funeral; and later at the reception he was quick to admit to me that we -- his real kids -- must have sacrificed a lot in order for my father to have been that involved with others. I am grateful for this man's perceptive realization; and I assured him that this was truer than he will ever know.
Being the only girl in this family of Future Farmers of America, I shared my Dad more than the rest. Two of my brothers were actively involved in his program in high school; and all of them were actively involved in his hands-on, project-oriented parenting program, which generally involved power tools, paint brushes and push brooms. And even though I yearned and aspired to be the "fifth brother", I was generally left on the outside looking in.
My Dad (and Mom) just didn't seem to know what to do with this spirited female misfit; and to make matters worse, I was apparently quite a bit like him . . . Stubborn. Opinionated. Self righteous. Passionate. My Dad, fortunately, was able to use most of these qualities in ways that others found helpful, motivating, and character building. Unfortunately for my Dad and me, these same qualities often just created conflict at the end of a very long day and even longer work week. Thankfully, by the Gentle Power and Correction of the Holy Spirit and by the Merciful Love and Grace of my Heavenly Father, these qualities are slowly but surely being removed and remolded for me into something more useful for ministry. . .
Had my Dad been able to balance his stronger personality traits with humility, gentleness, patience, praise, and affection, he would have had a much different relationship with his only daughter. I'm sure he sees that now; and I'm totally comforted with the knowledge that whatever was not perfect in my father on earth has now been made perfect in his new eternal home with the Savior we both love. In heaven, I will know forever the Dad I always wanted here.
If it's true, Dad, that the Saints in heaven watch over us and pray for those they loved on earth; I hope you can spare a prayer for me today God knows that prayer was the only thing that saw me through . . .
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the dozens of little miracles you wove together during the week of my father's passing and for the sustaining witness those miracles will be in the weeks to come.
