What does he spend his time and money on?

Dear Discouraged Single Sister ~ How well I understand. Christian men in this part of God's Country seem to want to meet "church girls" wearing Birkenstocks who can keep up with their high maintenance, toy-based lifestyle and worldly interests.

I'm surrounded by Christian guys even my age who still run 30 miles routinely and train for marathons year round -- not to mention hiking, biking, horseback riding, skiing, and snowmobiling. The rest are ranchers.

I'm exhausted just typing the list. And I enjoy an active lifestyle!

Dear Abba . . . Please match my mature sisters to someone who is passionately interested in what YOU are doing and what YOU want US (as part of a WE) to be doing. We promise to live a sensible, healthy, 'fasted lifestyle' and to remain fit and appealing to our Godly future mate.

Please, Dear Abba,  send us a grown up man who likes to read. We'd love to gaze across our morning latté at a man who is lost in a daily devotional.

After a day of labor that honors God, let us come together again to count our blessings or enjoy a prayer walk together. We might even engage in a thoughtful chat about John 4 verse five, six, seven . . . instead of pondering Peyton Manning's pass completion statistics . . .  

Later, as we ask a blessing over a light early dinner with sweet'n'low instrumental music playing in the background . . . .

Well, I for one have quite possibly checked out and gone to heaven.

So please, Abba, could you arrange for some of my days to turn out like that with a confident, humorous, faithful man who would also enjoy some days like that?

In the Name of my Faithful Savior ~

{And some of God's Helpmates To Be said . . . .}

Dear "Who'd Want to Go To Heaven Anyway" ~

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doc, I'm afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."

Very quietly, the Doctor said, "I don't really know."

"You don't know!?" the patient exclaimed. "You're a Christian man; and you don't know what's on the other side?"

Doc crossed the room and gently held the handle of the door. On the other side came a scratching sound and then whining. The moment Doc opened the door, a beautiful retriever burst into the room, leaped toward him dancing on his hind legs, and did his dog-gone best to lick the Doctor's face.

Turning to his patient, Doc asked, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He had no idea what would be inside. But he did know his Master was on the other side of the door."

Stroking the retriever who now lay at his feet, the Doctor added, "I know little of what is on the other side of death. I only know my Master is there. And that is enough."

Dear Loves Me for My Looks ~

You go G!
Kidvid may be "kidding" but if MANY of the men on Christian dating sites got real with the women on Christian dating sites, that's EXACTLY what we would find them praying for!
Please, Men of God who are my age! Take a full length mirror reality check. Then ask yourself, "Why Would a 30-Something (or even a 40 something?) sweetie Pick YOU?" Just sayin'. . .!

Perhaps it's fortunate that men OR women who choose this way of judging Christian singles are weeding themselves out. In the long run, men who place such high priority on this screening criteria do ME a great favor -- in this one early decision, they have already caused me doubt their maturity for spiritual leadership in a long term relationship.

Generally speaking, Godly Gentlemen, the woman you will be spending the rest of your life with will already outlive you by ten or more years and will probably always be in better health. But I tremble to think what a man who is that caught up in appearances might think of me if I ended up with breast cancer . . . Or worse! What he might DO with me if I developed altzheimers . . .

Thanks for opening this one up, sisters! I've been waiting to vent a little too . . . No holds barred

Your Sympathetic Sis

Dear Smiles . . .

Let me give you this much encouragement, Smiles . . . There is great wisdom even in the title of your prayer request! You are wise enough to know (by faith) that God's Direction is better than anyone else's. And you also recognize where some of your struggle lies, as it does for all of us -- letting go and letting God.

About six months ago, my relatively new boyfriend, who is a pilot, (I'll call him Captain) took me out for my first small airplane ride, which I thought I was fairly well prepared for. The plane has something called dual controls, which means that at any time both the pilot and navigator agree, the controls can be exchanged from one to anothe.

After only ten minutes of flying, Captain turned over the controls to me in order to load his camera. As long as I could see all the way around and out over the horizon, I was only slighly terrified. But when I had to pull up to gain altitude, I suddenly couldn't see anything! I was ready to turn the controls back over in a nano-second.

Needless to say, Captain had hours upon hours of simulated flying ON THE GROUND and then with an instructor (just as we first do to drive!)

Now Captain has many many years of experience taking off and flying and landing BLIND, using only instruments to tell him when hs is level, turning, climbing, or decending. Even in great turbulence, at night, and through unnerving weather, it takes a lot to shake his confidence in the INSTRUMENTATION. Captain wouldn't THINK of relying on his FEELINGS to keep the plane level or on course; FEELINGS are not trustworthy. And take it from me, they can cause you to crash.

I hope this is helpful to you today and for the future ~

Dear Concerned About Intimacy Before Marriage

Lessons learned from taking the field trip instead of just accepting wisdom from the Word of God ~

The boundaries God has graciously provided in his Word regarding intimacy are there to protect the vulnerability of women; and choosing to cross them or "double cross them" will ultimately destroy the respesct and love that might have otherwise been the greatest blessing in a relationship.

Until we are married, Sisters, men are our brothers. So in my humble opinion the safest response -- and one which leaves no margin for misinterpretation by anyone -- is that if it's acceptable physical contact from your brother, it's acceptable in the dating relationship. Look forward to all other moments of passion, great or small, as gifts of marital bonding.

I've blown this one again myself by lowering the bar "just a little". This is one of the more difficult "tests" of spiritual maturity and it should be up to the gentle-man in the relationship to put a woman at ease about matters of intimacy during courtship. How they handle this holiness assignment may tell you a great deal about how they will handle other matters of spiritual maturity in their household. Experience has taught me that no matter how "compatible" everything else is, unless and until you can trust the man you love to be the spiritual leader in the home you hope to build together, eventually it all falls apart. Men can tell when a woman has lost respect, and security in intimacy is a foundation stone of respect for a  woman.
Hope this saves someone from certain heartache . . . 

Dear Looking for Love Long Distance

If I may humbly chime in here, LD, I think there is perhaps a little scriptural cherry picking going on here . . .

I think you certainly have the SPIRIT of God's heart here; but there are some events in the story of Rebecca that your conclusion doesn't fully address.

One is that Rebeccah was willing to go back USING THE TRANSPORTATION PROVIDED. And she also had AN APPROPRIATE PLACE to stay for SEVEN YEARS before she married the man God had meant to be her Adam. And, I think the story also states that she was given quite a lot of "incentive" (see jewels and gifts) to trust that she was being given to a man who could provide once she was there.

And what DO we do with the fact that Rebecca's "fiance" CHEERFULLY SLAVED for his nemesis for SEVEN YEARS to win his bride? (There's another whole subject for a post about that . . .!)

I chose this story to answer your concerns, because it gets to the heart of the difficulty for hopeful single Christian women to meet suitable, sold out Christian men who would otherwise probably make great future mates . . . but who live 200 to 2000 miles away!
If God had no problem with Isaac happily sending out his messengers to search for a bride, would He oppose Godly men men sending out "e-messages" for the same purpose? I have my doubts.

But I DO think He still expects a man of God to be clear about whether they even have a camel to send, and whether they have a safe and Biblically appropriate plan for when she "agrees to come".

Until then, there's the more affordable, practical approach called "Skype"?

Lovingly submitted ~

Dear Christian "EX" and friends ~

Let's look at our painful but probably prayerful options through this viewpoint: Who is your "ex" to God?

The God we serve is a God of Long Suffering Reconciliation, (of which this daughter is proof) and He has given us (if we answer to His Son and to the Holy Spirit) this primary Ministry of Reconciliation as well.

If OT and NT Christians are our example, reconciliation is accomplished when some level of relationship is restored . . . each has released the other from the pains and debts of the past and can fellowship comfortably. Ideally the relationship itself (friend/friend; husband/wife; father/son) is restored fully as well.

My walk with God may be unique; but He seems determined to limit my input to and cooperation with this process to what He wants me to do and to think about and to repair. And He sets the bar high.

My first and greatest hurdle is always my own hurt. I suspect this is especially true of women, because we are more easily and deeply wounded by others.  Emotional wounds have physical pains; and these cry to my thoughts day and night, preventing the Godly DESIRE for reconciliation on any level. The longer and deeper the investment in another, and the greater the acts of betrayal; the greater the pain that drives me away from forgiveness.

For someone as touchy and stubborn as I am, it usually takes a long season of fellowship in bible study, the conviction upon gentle conviction of devotionals and pastoral messages, and tenderizing in tearful worship services before I can even hear God with the right heart attitude about someone who has offended or betrayed  me. But just as He is healing my newly injured foot one cell and one layer at a time (which burns!) I begin to see that the pain IS the healing and I agree to cooperate with the treatment (which burns!).
Beware those who indulge your grudges and encourage your grievances about another. Seek the wisdom and spiritual maturity of those who have rebuilt, restored, and made restitutiion -- even to those who have been the greater transgressor. They have honored their God.

Beware the previously married man or woman who has yet to come to that place in their divorce diatribe where they can speak of how they wounded the other party. They are wounded still and have refused treatment. They are not able to honor anyone.

GOT BURNED?

What do you get when you mix flames, bare feet, and fatigue? A taste of life's painful consequences that can teach someone as fiery as me about miracles, about Divine appointments, and about putting out emotional fires when the enemy of my soul is still fanning the flames.

I actually attempted to put out a fire on my deck in bare feet in 14 below zero weather by myself last week (which explains the lack of activity on my blog of late). My daughter drove from Wyoming to the burn unit in Colorado to show me photos of my blackened footprints on the deck.

I later told my pastor I burned my foot stepping in front of the angel who was clearly containing the fire on one side while another guardian angel held my petroleum-based polyester pants away from my skin as they melted from my arch to my calf. 

Prayers were ordered before pain killers, which I somehow never needed, in spite of what doctors believed were third-degree burns across the pads of my toes. None of the melted black plastic material adhered to my skin; so prayers also canceled the surgeon when I finally arrived at the burn center 6 hours later.  Just 40 hours later, I was free to laugh and feast with my other daughter  -- a police academy student, whom I hadn't seen in months. Out of the ashes -- a family reunion. Without boyfriends. A double miracle.

Home to prop up my burned foot and heal, I found myself dozing on the other end of that same smoked deck, thankfully texting this note:

"What could be better for healing than resting on deck cushions in melting-away-winter sun with the bluffing of horses and chickadee chatter for music?"

And then the still soft voice of God posed this question: "Wonder what would feel that way when you get burned by those you love?"

Here's my prayerful answer: "What could be better for healing than resting in the melting-away-winter Son with the bluffing of horses and chickadee chatter for music?"

So, even though I "got burned" on Valentine's Day and even though I'm still fuming about it today, I have a remedy. 

If you don't have Him, you only have pain killers. 

Dear Black Knight and Friends ~

Wow! Young Christian men and women are certainly dwelling on deep theological issues! I'm impressed!

This ever-so-sensitive subject of suicide got me wondering as well ~ especially when I found a post by another young man on a Christian chat forum who sounds like he is only moments away from heading the wrong way down that one way road.
So, Sir Knight and friends, here's something more to wonder about . . .

If it's 'adultery' just to look upon a woman other than your wife and to imagine intimacy with her (remember when Jesus raised the bar in this NT conversation?) where do you think Jesus might set the bar in this case?

Wouldn't just 'contemplating suicide' be sinful in itself? It certainly doesn't make the list of things God commanded us to "think upon". [If you are not a Christian, you may be surprised to learn that there actually is a list of things we are commanded to think upon for our mental and emotional health!] 

Taking a life that isn't yours (if you have promised it to Jesus for saving yours) or that God hasn't commanded you to take (as he sometimes did in the Old Testament) is overriding His perfect plans and purposes.

My adult daughters would be the first to tell you that it is not difficult, especially for women, to 'go down this lonely road in your heart and head when you are grieving deeply, feeling completely overwhelmed, or suffering tremendously physically.

I'm forever thankful that Jesus did not ask anyone in the crowed along His road to Calvary to put Him out of his incomparable and quite certain misery . . .

Aren't you?

Encouragement for Smiles (and others taking flight in Faith)

Let me give you this much encouragement, Smiles . . .

There is great wisdom even in the title of your prayer request! You are wise enough to know (by faith) that God's Direction is better than anyone else's. And you also recognize where some of your struggle lies, as it does for all of us -- letting go and letting God.

A few months ago, my relatively new boyfriend, who is a pilot, (I'll call him Captain) took me out for my first small airplane ride, which I thought I was fairly well prepared for. The plane has something called dual controls, which means that at any time both the pilot and navigator agree, the controls can be exchanged from one to another. After only ten minutes of flying, Captain turned over the controls to me in order to load the camera.

As long as I could see all the way around and out over the horizon, I was only slightly terrified. But when I had to pull up to gain altitude, I suddenly couldn't see anything! I was ready to turn the controls back over in a nano-second.

Needless to say, Captain had hours upon hours of simulated flying ON THE GROUND and then with an instructor (just as we first do to drive!) Captain now has many many years of experience taking off and flying and landing BLIND, using only INSTRUMENTS to tell him when he is level, turning, climbing, or descending. Even in great turbulence, at night, and through unnerving weather, it takes a lot to shake his confidence in the plane's INSTRUMENTATION. He wouldn't THINK of relying on his FEELINGS to keep the plane level or on course.

FEELINGS are not trustworthy. And they can cause you to crash.

I hope this is helpful to you today and for the future ~
Your Sister ~ Val

Dear Abba ~ Wisdom for the Wounded Soul

When I was a teen, I was a faithful fan of the syndicated column, "Dear Abby". I was sure when Abby retired I would be contacted to take her place. The phone from the media moguls has never rung . . . Perhaps I've heard why from the Advisor on High . . .

Perhaps there's a need for "Dear Abba". The Greek word "Abba" is "Daddy". It is this name, Abba, with which Christians believe their God has asked them to address Him. For those of you fortunate to have a close, trusting relationship with your own father, it's no doubt the endearment you use even as an adult when you want his loving smile to mirror yours. This is a deep and global desire.

The closest one who does not yet have a divine "Abba" can come to this precious relationship is the lap of the magical benefactor, Santa Claus. Impressive, to be sure, to children under the age of ten; but eventually life demands of us a more frequently available lap and a less materialistic wish list if we hope to grow spiritually and emotionally as well as physically.

To keep growing -- to mature -- declares the ever- reliable Beth Moore requires

"a shift in what impresses me"
Let that permeate your thoughts until it dissolves into your heart . . . even if you are not yet 'spiritual'. If you can accept this, even momentarily, as a fairly solid test of 'maturity', the next question practically asks itself: "So . . . am I 'mature-ing'?"

One could make a strong case that the process of 'mature-ing' reveals itself one decision, one response at a time. This is why pastors strongly encourage their church members to "seek wise counsel" before making decisions that may impact the lives of dozens of others.

Ideally, wise counsel should come from counselors who seek Wisdom. Those of us who have tried (and tried and tried) our own wisdom can share with you the special heartache of that -- in spades. Those of us who have trusted the wisdom of so called "friends", "leaders", "analyzers" and (dare I say it) American Idols can testify to the dreadful futility of that.

For the crisis of conscience we each face day after day, I can only recommend to you Abba --My Wise Daddy. His advice is typically painful to hear and even more difficult to use as prescribed. I assure you that, if taken as directed, it will prevent terminal spiritual, emotional, and even physical disease. I assure you also that, as you lay your challenges before me to ponder, I am swallowing the same bitter pill that I may recommend from Him to you.

Whether you are any sort of "believer" or not, let me lay the heart of Abba's over the decision that keeps you awake at night . . . that leaves you immobilized by guilt or fear . . . that brings turmoil or -- worse -- silent separation to your home.

What have you got to lose? Leave your frustration, your indignation, your "What Should I Do" in the comment box of this blog. Or, if you prefer privacy, email them to me at vkjewell2002@yahoo.com.

Shooting Rampage in Tuscon . . . Words Have Great Power

"We need to dial it back . . . Words have great power.”

These words of Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's friend and colleague -- shared in an interview with Tavis Smiley Tuesday evening--  so resonated with me that I decided I must use them for my first blog post.

A renowned American psychologist, also interviewed Tuesday evening by Charlie Rose, claims that the “voices in this young man’s head” could have directed him to kill Gabby randomly, regardless of widely televised, violence-riddled political rhetoric. My heart receives that as a pretty lame rationalization, given this young man’s very focused ability to find the right place, the right gun, the right time and the right opportunity to execute the intentions of the “random” voices he obeyed.

The following day at lunch, I overheard two construction workers pour out their scorn and hatred for Jarod Loughner, the mentally ill young man whose own internal dialogue led him to end 19 lives, including an elected leader, a judge, and nine year old Christina Greene. Their conclusion? “They should peel the skin off Loughner slowly and let it heal and repeat that until he dies.” 

I don’t believe these two men expressed words any more hateful than what a dead child’s mother is feeling today.  Or a judge’s wife.  Or a nation’s outraged citizens . . .

Gabby's friend's appeal to the nation – and especially to our elected leaders – made me examine the power of my own words to destroy – just this week –  a fragile relationship just as it was beginning to bloom.

Oh the dizzying power of the sarcastic Word! How satisfying the hot and bloody verbal duel!

Until I pull away in my evening meditations and survey the carnage.  Again.

Any true Christian believes that the awesome power of WORD brought about and continues to sustain our very existence.  Should it come as any surprise that Evil would also avail itself of this awesome power?

Of all creation, only men , women and children use the power of WORD for Good or for Evil. Children do not have to be taught the latter. The bullies of junior high and high school have no difficulty refining it. Batterers of spouses and children come to prefer it, for their arrows leave no visible wound.

The harsh revelation of my Prayers  is that Jarod Loughner and I are not so very different.  I am merely the mercifully fortunate recipient of a far more powerful, restraining voice in my head. How I wish I had listened to that voice instead of my own before I had words with so many others this week.

For those of you who are Christian, investigate with me this month the Power of Prayer -- Having a Word with God--  to:

    * Prepare my Heart
    * Build Unity and Lasting Relationship with God and others
    * Acknowledge Lordship (especially in battle)
    * Establish Trust
    * Point to the need to Forgive
    * Teach Honor, Perseverance, Devotion
    * Silence Evil Voices
    * Slow my own worthless thoughts down
    * Introduce me to Wisdom
    * Reveal Priorities, Purpose
    * Provide appropriate Questions and Answers
    * Restore and Protect me
    * Release Hope, Encouragement, Strength, Confidence, and POWER

Purpose of Prayer courtesy of Tony Forman, Pastor of Cornerstone Church in Sheridan, Wyoming